Monday, October 1, 2012

Traumatic Experiences leave the best scars

Here I am after being prodded to write some more. I have been on a schedule of hectic, more hectic and busy. I finally gave in and had back surgery in May. It's been one thing after another. My husband beat me to the punch and filed for divorce in March. Even knowing that what we had shared was nothing but a fractured fairy tale, I just couldn't make myself take that step. He did it for me. So here we are in Oct. and we are still married. Legally heart went out of the marriage business a few years before the divorce was filed. It's hard to stay in love when you realize you married someone that doesn't exist. I have met someone. While I don't think T is "the one" he is a joy to be with and makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I'm not in any hurry to jump back into a real honest to goodness relationship. But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy my life and the company of a good man. But I went well. I never knew that one person could experience, let alone survive, that kind of hell. Then in late July I fractured one of the vertebrae that I had surgery on. I'm slowly healing, but continue to  have pain on a daily basis. I'm not complaining. I'm thankful that God was loving enough to send me to a wonderful doctor.

5th grade is kicking my butt. I love it, but I have to confess that I often wonder if I'm doing enough. Before you panic and start calling my bosses, let me tell you....I have always been like this. I never feel like I'm doing enough to educate my students. I push, push and  then push some more. I never let them have it easy, and always try to challenge my darlings. I know what junior high and high school will be like for them. I wish that I could keep them forever, but unfortunately it doesn't work like that. So every day I try to find something new, something challenging that will not only teach them but will give them an edge for the future. The state dept. certainly makes things tough for teachers everywhere. If you haven't seen an achievement test lately, you may be in for a shock. While I don't believe in making it easy enough to just sail through, I also don't believe in setting my kids up for failure. I get the distinct impression that that is what state testing is all about. How can you judge a child on one day and one test? Who knows what is going on in their little minds/hearts that day? While I do understand the need for a score card for our little darlings, I can't help but think that there has to be a better way........I'm open for suggestions if you have any you want to share.

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